Robot Unicorn Attack Game

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Robot Unicorn Attack - Autonomy meets mythology in an endlessly-running shower of rainbows and stars

Beautifully Ridiculous

While robots are indeed a wonderful demonstration of the technological progress of man to date, and while the Unicorn is a beautiful creation of European folklore that demonstrates creativity, imagination and the desire for humans to believe that there is more to life than just the regular, everyday horse, nothing can possibly be a more poignant display of awesomeness than the amalgamation of these two figures. That’s right, Robot Unicorn Attack takes the Ronseal approach and does exactly what it says on the tin, with the tin in this case being the title. Playing as a unicorn is one thing, and the fact that said unicorn is biological on the outside and mechanical on the inside is another, but having Erasure’s “Always” as the soundtrack that plays repeatedly over the top of the action was the final straw: in order to face myself as a critic, an enthusiast of the ridiculous, and indeed a man, I had no choice but to play this game.

Alternate-Universe My Little Pony

Upon loading up the game and probably startling Google Chrome itself with the absurdness of what I was playing, the word disappointment temporarily fell out of my vocabulary because after even 30 seconds of playing my head was filled with rainbows, amazement, and awe at how simultaneously simple and entertaining the experience was. Aside from the frightening array of colours that would distress even the hardiest of retinas, everything about this game is unbelievably simple and easy to grasp. Taking the fact that you are a mechanical unicorn as given, you are thrown into a bubblegum world of fantasy and sparkle which, upon witnessing it with your own eyes, will make you understand what those Skittles talk about when they bang on about ”tasting the rainbow”. As a robot unicorn, your job is to simply run endlessly across terrain, jumping intermittently when the ground beneath you ends and landing on the next platform. The jumps become increasingly difficult as you progress, with terrain and giant star-shaped obstacles getting in your way.

Jump and Dash

Controlling the game is so easy that it takes no more than two keyboard keys: Z allows you to jump from platform to platform, while X allows you to perform a dash manoeuvre which smashes through the star-shaped obstacles that block your path. Ensure that you pay attention throughout your journey since one look away from the screen will often result in careering into a raised obstacle or one of the stars, resulting in the end of your turn. You will encounter mini flying unicorns (probably also robotic) along the way which you can collect to give you points, but the ultimate test of your skill that is quantified at the end of the round (which is whenever you collide with the scenery/fall between the gaps) is the distance you managed to travel before biting the ridiculously colourful dust.

Colour me Concluding

Robot Unicorn Attack is quite simply one of the best distance-based running games I have played in a long time. If it weren’t for the sweet tones of erasure lifting the experience from ‘great’ to ‘utterly ridiculous’, then this would probably sit slightly north of above average in terms of entertainment value.

 If for some unexplainable reason the title of the game hasn’t already pulled you in for a closer look, then Robot Unicorn Attack is probably the only continuously-running distance-based game you will ever play with an Erasure song as its soundtrack. Don’t you feel silly now for not putting your trust in the fact that the title contains the words ‘Robot’ and ‘Unicorn’? If you don’t, then you should, because you get to play as an android unicorn that literally leaves a trail of rainbows behind it as it chases its dreams in an endless gallop across the purple-hued terrain. Shame on you for demonstrating a lack of intrigue when confronted with the possibility of the unicorn equivalent of The Terminator, who most definitely will be back (you know, because you get to repeatedly play the game at your leisure even after dying). Simplicity, outrageousness, and Erasure are what makes this game superior to any distance-based competitors; that and the fact that it is the visual equivalent of the inside of a child’s brain. Thank you, Spiritonin Media Games!